How a Fear of Commitment Can Impact Your Relationship

Being scared of commitment is sometimes a sign of gamophobia, or the fear of marriage and commitment. People who have this fear are often so scared of commitment that they are unable to form lasting, long-term relationships. Fear of commitment often means that while you want to continue a relationship, you struggle to be vulnerable or take steps forward. This fear can stem from many issues ranging from worrying about rejection, feeling insecure about what you can offer a partner, or being fearful of relationships in general based on your own personal experiences. We're outlining common signs that demonstrate a fear of commitment and explaining how failing to work past commitment issues can ultimately be the demise of a relationship you treasure. 

How Fear of Commitment Damages Relationships

Ultimately, a fear of commitment can lead to the demise of a relationship. In some cases, this demise might be drawn out and painful—especially if one person is trying to make the relationship work while the other isn’t contributing emotionally. Along the way, the person who is trying to commit will likely experience deep hurt, frustration, confusion, anger, embarrassment, and eventually apathy as they give up on the relationship. 

In the most destructive and hurtful situations, a person with commitment issues may sabotage the relationship by completely distancing themselves, going through waves of hot and cold, threatening breakups, cheating, or creating unnecessary conflict as a means to escape.

How to Overcome Fear of Commitment

“First and foremost, it is important to recognize the patterns that created this behavior,” says Hathaway. “You must understand why you are fearful of committing.” She says this is important because, in many cases, the ‘why’ is no longer relevant in your life. Maybe you’ve yet to recover from a past hurt or you’re worried about repeating a toxic relationship you witnessed. Exploring the 'why' on your own can be helpful, but don’t rule out the benefits of speaking with a therapist. Another way to help work through a fear of commitment is to talk about it openly with your partner. Hathaway says, “Help them understand your thoughts and feelings. Work together and create supportive patterns that can help you manage the thoughts and feelings around your fear.”